Can You Hear Me Now?

If you're starving and somebody throw you a cracker, you gonna be like this:
"Goddamn, that's the best cracker I ever ate in my life! That ain't no regular cracker, was it? What was that, a Saltine? Goddamn, that was delicious! That wasn't no Saltine. That was...That was a Ritz! That wasn't a Ritz? God, that was the best cracker I ever ate in my life! Can I have another one, please? Please, one more."

Then you get married, because you think you've found the bomb. Have the same crackers every day for a year. And you roll over one day and be like: "Hey, I just got some regular old crackers."

--Eddie Murphy, "Raw"

Eddie Murphy used to do a bit about crackers to illustrate the profound risks of delayed gratification. Anticipation can temporarily cloud one's judgment making even staples seem extravagant. Mundane necessities and simple pleasures--food, say, or intimacy--are rendered exquisite by the simple fact of their temporary absence. With all worldly pleasures this effect is fleeting. Familiarity, as they say, breeds contempt or at least diminishes our sense of awe and wonder. We quickly forget the anguish of denial and become complacent and comfortable with our gains.

So it has been with the Republicans--and with us. In 1994, after being consigned to the minority for 40 years, they figured out the recipe with the Contract with America and the Gingrich Revolution. Accordingly, Americans hungry for a new direction, limited government and a message of personal responsibility and the accompanying prosperity drank it up. It was a marriage made in heaven. These guys were talking about cutting spending, balancing budgets, increasing private productivity. Not since the new deal had we really tasted crackers this fresh. The Republican party reveled in the attention and the opportunity to effect meaningful change. After so many years in the minority, they'd earned the opportunity to prove their ideas. Life was good--no, great!

Fast forward 12 short years. Republicans who campaigned on balanced budgets and term limits are now lying sideways in the public trough. With control of two branches of government and increased leverage in the third, the great life has become too easy. The revolution has stalled.

To be sure, some seismic historical movements have occurred. Recession, an attack in the homeland, the momentary collapse of the stock market provide moments of astonishing leadership and solidarity. Ruthless regimes are toppled. America wounded roars. The world is briefly united behind her.

But an opposition party fresh out of ideas for all of the last 35 years provides little more than comic relief--certainly no competition or incentive to sharpen the saw. The Republican leadership's attitude of entitlement grows daily--the principles which drove them into office have long since been abandoned in favor of profligate spending and government expansion under the guise of "compassionate conservatism". The will of the people, whose support and praise were at once magical and musical a decade before is drowned out by the instinct for political self-preservation. The party of family values becomes more closely associated with graft and sleaze. Familiarity breeds contempt. Contempt for the people. Contempt for the opposition. Contempt for the ideas and promises that delivered them from minority status.

It turns out, contempt is a two-way street. It's not as if you weren't warned. Your base and the crucial moderate swing voters positively shouted for years: Do something to turn it around! Stop the southern invasion! We'll give you whatever you need to win the war, but you must win! We've already disciplined the democrats, the unions, the billionaires, the church. Beware and police yourselves! It's May, Mr. President. We've been at this a while and we're tired of simply staying the course. We want more than commitment at the microphone. Are you listening? Can you hear us? Eighteen months to go, but you're not up for reelection.

It's September and New Orleans is under water. Yes, the governor and the mayor are incompetent. You knew that two weeks ago. But you're the President and Michael Brown has no plan either. 1800 people are dead, rioting resembles the aftermath of victory in Baghdad, but it's here at home. Why aren't you doing anything? Can't you hear us?

Those men at the border... They're not vigilantes, they're Americans and they're doing your job! We want you to protect us, not offer amnesty and encouragement to criminals. It's May and your approval rating is at 38%. The invaders are marching in LA under foreign colors. It's not acceptable! Can you hear us yet?

School's out! It's June. Gas is $3.35 per gallon in California. Do you know how many times we're reminded of this fact as we drive up the PCH? What are you doing about it? Complaining about minority opposition isn't making much difference. Oh yeah... About DeLay and Abramoff and DeWine. We're not stupid. Can't you talk to these guys or at least condemn the actions when they become public? Can you hear us now? 36%

August. Please stop calling me to ask for money. I gave you money. You gave me no Osama, no resolution in Iraq, but you did support the Senate omnibus handout to Vincente Fox. You've done nothing but let me down. Please ask Ken Mehlman and your wife to stop emailing me at work, too. It's creepy. 34%

October. Glad to hear you're heartened by the surge to 39%. 2 years of generals telling us off the record and republicans on the record that we need more resources in Iraq. Osama's still making videos despite assurances this time last year that he was probably dead. Your own party doesn't want to campaign with you. Are you listening?

November 7. Pearl Harbor day 1 month early. Contempt is palpable. The people are tired of your crackers. A lot of crackers are losing really nice day jobs. Tomorrow Don Rumsfeld will resign. If it's ok tomorrow, why not 60 days ago? We're pissed Mr. President! We've had enough, Mr. Speaker! The good news is, it's not 1974. You're only down a dozen and a half seats, instead of 145. You have 2 years. You won't get much done. No more strict constructionist nominations for you. Tax cuts? Gone. Social Security Reform? We never believed you anyway.

You have 23 months and 29 days to do nothing but listen--very carefully.

We were your base, cracker. Can you hear us now?

DT